Chinese Culture: What are Some Good Ways of Annoying Chinese People?

China Martial Art
China Martial Art

Kent Fung:

  • Ask them to make you sushi.
  • Compliment them for the great things Samsung makes.
  • Ask them if they know kung fu. (Make a Bruce Lee noise in case they don’t seem to know what you mean. Or even if they do. Don’t forget the karate chop motion!)
  • Ask them to do your math homework.
  • Prove to them that you’re down with the Chinese by telling them about this one “friend” you have … who’s Vietnamese. Ask if they know your “friend,” refuse to accept “no” for an answer.
  • Speak English to them VERY … LOUDLY … and SLOWLY. Nod a lot for no apparent reason as you do so.
  • Ask a mainlander why China doesn’t just leave Taiwan alone.
  • Ask a person from Taiwan why Taiwan doesn’t just accept Chinese rule.
  • Mistake a Hong Kong person for a mainlander.
  • Wrinkle your nose at whatever it is that they’re eating.

Peter Leykam:

  • Crossing the street while they’re trying to drive through the intersection.
  • Stopping in the crosswalk when they honk at you to point out that the light is green for you and that you, as a pedestrian, have the right of way.
  • Doing an impersonation of Dustin Hoffman’s “Can’t you see I’m walking here?” scene from Midnight Cowboy when cab drivers try to run you over.  Either Beijing cab drivers aren’t fans of the movie, or don’t find my Hoffman impersonation very convincing.
  • When confronted by a minor bureaucrat, repeatedly ask them to explain the logic underlying the rules they’re trying to enforce.  Spend as long as possible saying, things like “But how is that the most efficient way to do things?”
  • Insisting on speaking Chinese to people who are trying to practice their English with you.  If they persist, politely explain that, since your Chinese is better, you should continue in Chinese.  This works especially well if it isn’t true.
  • If your Chinese boss is wrong about anything, correct him as loudly as possible in front of as many coworkers as possible.
  • Asking them not to answer their phones during a business meeting.  When they ignore you and answer their phones, stop your presentation and criticize them in front of everybody for disobeying your rules.
  •  Tell them that Chinese culture isn’t nearly as complex, interesting or unique as they think it is. (This works with Americans too).

Corbett Wall:

  • Tell them they are a waidiren (outsider) if they remind you that you are laowai (foreigner).
  • Ask a Chinese guy why Chinese girls like foreigners.
  • When asked how much you make, say probably more than you.
  • When asked how long you’ve been in China, ask if being in Taiwan counts.
  • When someone mocks your Chinese in a dumb accent, do the same to their English.
  •  When drinking with a bunch of government people say that you really liked Cui Jian’s songs.
  • When discussing any Chinese history, ask didn’t all Chinese came from Korea.
  • Discuss Tibet intelligently.
  • When eating with southerners, only order noodles.
  • When eating with northerners, only order rice.
  • When in Beijing, talk about how Shanghai has so much more culture.
  • Ask someone why all Chinese look the same.

 Jesse Zhou:

Being Chinese-American, I can tell you some of the many remarks that have annoyed me throughout my life:

    “Hey, you’re Chinese. Do this math problem for me.”

    “You got an 800 on your SAT math test, right? It’s probably because Chinese people are just naturally good at math.”

    “I would hate to have a tiger mom like yours.” (Note: Person never met my mom, who’s actually really nice)

    “I probably drive better than you.”

    “Isn’t Jackie Chan your role model or something?”

    “Don’t you support communism?”

    “If I go to China, they will immediately arrest me and throw me into a communist prison. It’s why I will never visit China.”

    “Why does Chinese food taste like shit?”

    “I’m only going to eat the skin off of the dumplings.”

    “Aren’t Taiwanese and Chinese people the same?” (Seriously, don’t say this one.)

    Me: “Can you take your shoes off before you walk around my house?”

    Person: “No, I think I’ll keep them on.”

    “Haha, your dick is small! It’s like I have a regular iPod and you have an iPod Nano.” (This guy was a total idiot.)

    “You should tell your people to stop copying American products. Why don’t you guys try making something original?”

    “Let Jesse calculate the tip. He’s Chinese.”

    “So how many of your friends are sweatshop workers?”

    Saying anything in a heavy, fake and pathetic Chinese accent.

 And etcetera. Usually if it’s a one time thing and it’s in good humor, I tend to forgive and forget, especially if it’s my close friends. But I’ve long broken the friendships with people who consistently make fun of me because of my ancestral/cultural background. I don’t need friends like that.

Paul Denlinger:

Some things to say:

    “Where did you get this 5,000 years of Chinese history from? The only people who say China has 5,000 years of history are Chinese, but nobody shows where they got the number from? Did you pull it out of your butt?”

    “What’s the big deal about Japan invading China anyway? Let bygones be bygones…”

    “What do you mean people hurt the feelings of Chinese people? Come on, you’re a big country, you can take it!”

    “You say Chinese hate Japanese, but when I was in Taiwan, all the Taiwanese love everything Japanese. They love the food, the music, their TV shows. As a matter of fact, all the Taiwanese I met like Japan much more than they like China.”

    “Why can’t Chinese own guns? In the US everyone owns guns and there are no problems.”

    “What, China and the US fought in the Korean war? Think about it, maybe my grandfather shot your grandfather. Hey, but we’re friends now right?”

    “Whenever I have Chinese food, I love to pour soy sauce on my rice. You want some?”

    “Why did the Chinese invent everything but never do anything with it? What were you guys screwing around with?”

“You know, I look at Chinese in the US and they look so much happier in the US than in China. Makes me feel good as an American.”

Qi Wen:

Random people making comments like whether I drive like a typical Asian female, whether I know kung fu, and whether I’m good at math usually don’t bother me at all. I actually find it funny. Oh, as soon as I said I’m Chinese, “oh, I love orange chicken! ” Why so do I!

But this annoyed me to the max:

She asked me with an expression as if she was constipated, “I hear that Chinese people eat their babies because they’re only allowed to have one. Is that true? “

I walked away thinking she must be the most ignorant human being I’ve ever met. True story

Oh! And don’t ask me if I eat dog!  I have the cutest dog in the world and his name is Bear.

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